To those of you just entering the Double Hit Lymphoma fight- this post is for you. To those who have bravely fought with all of their might and victoriously emerged cancer-free, I raise thankful hands and heart with you! In memory of those who gave all, waging the fiercest war possible against the demon cancer to no avail, your fight was not in vain. As a God-fearer, I believe life is a sacred trust- a gift to be invested- an exercise in stewardship. These three years since I watched those precious stem cells pass through the clear plastic tubing into my bloodstream, looking for a home to establish, and vitality to infuse, one thing occurs to me over and over– there is much life to live, much to invest in, and stewardship to exercise in the post-cancer life of Melissa Brooks.
Life is beautiful! The year of 2015 holds two graduations for the Brooks family–Wes graduates from high school, and Mark Jr. from college. Abbie forges on in nursing school, and Gilana is making her entrance into high school as a freshman. Mark Sr. continues to lead Heritage Baptist Church here in Cedarburg, WI and serves in the Wisconsin Army National Guard. Our family business, Sparkle & Shine Cleaning Services is in its fifth year, and is a successful venture- a real blessing. Sounds fairly normal?? Life is indeed beautiful.
So, what is life really like following six rounds of powerful RHYPER- CVAD chemotherapy- including twelve intrathecal injections into the central nervous system- and an Autologous Stem Cell Transplant? The following I share, not in search of pity, as a scare tactic, or to complain. It is simply reality, and as one starting out on my cancer journey, it would have been helpful to have an idea of what life might look like on the other side of “The Fight”. At the diagnostic and prepare-to-fight stage, such considerations are nowhere in sight, and would be a waste of precious consciousness. When I recall those days, it was as if I had blinders on- the flower of compartmentalization was in full bloom, and each day was a victory. I could only think of the next lab to be drawn, the countdown to the next 5-day round of chemo and the effect it would have on my blood counts, the next dreaded chemo injection into my spine, the next scan, the next consult with the Oncologist, and the looming stem cell transplant. Meanwhile, school was in session for my children, my husband worked seemingly around the clock, while still making time to shuttle me to endless appointments, faithful church members dropped of meals, bags of groceries, and dear relatives sidelined their own schedules to come and clean my home so it could be as nearly germ-free as possible. Fast forward to three years later and here we are. The cancer has not returned. Honestly, I am truly grateful for each new day. I think I shall never take life for granted again. I may not the cockeyed optimist I used to be, but that’s okay. The very aggressive chemotherapy I received did its job! But, it largely destroyed my immune system. I think it is rarely prescribed now for that very reason. There are newer target therapies which are not so hard on the immune system. While killing the cancer attacking the B cells, it took away permanently my ability to make immunogloblins- A, G, and M-the warriors which ward off infections- viral and bacterial. So, thank goodness for immunotherapies designed to boost my disease-fighting capability. For a while, I went to the hospital monthly to receive infusions of immunoglobulins isolated from donated blood. Now, I infuse two times weekly with supplies which come right to my door in the mail. I stay fairly healthy this way, supplementing with vitamins C, B’s, D3, fish oil, calcium, and a multi vitamin. I still drink lots of water, though not the daily gallon I used to drink. Another adjustment to deal with is the peripheral neuropathy which never went away in my feet. Thankfully, all feeling returned to my hands, and I rejoice every time I pick up my violin to play. But the shoes in my closet are chosen for comfort and not fashion. Heels are a thing of the past. And there are many days when my duties are far from over, but aching feet demand a rest. And there is no denying them. I purchased a foot bath to try to bring them relief, but the bottom line is that long hours on them brings discomfort which can only be relieved by getting off of them.
If you are a female entering a fight with double hit lymphoma, be aware that the strong chemo necessary to kill the demon cancer will most likely put you in full menopause. This was indeed my experience, and is probably my biggest challenge. At age 44, full-blown menopause was the furthest thing from my mind, but today it is reality. Truly it is a reasonable price to pay for the renewed lease on life, but it is nonetheless a challenge. I am in an exercise program and live a low-carb lifestyle to combat the menopause weight-gain onslaught- thankful for the strength and opportunity. Learning to live by lists have enabled me to battle the brain fog of post-chemo brain coupled with 40+ syndrome, though not perfectly. Adaptation is a necessary skill going forward henceforth and forevermore! And finally, I have come to the conclusion that the energy level of the past is forever in the past. The best way I can describe the way I perpetually feel is “diminished” . Time will tell if my energy level will slowly rise, but in the meantime, I have to be judicious with tasks I schedule into any given day, and if one day is to be particularly demanding, I know the next will need to be less so.
I hope this will be helpful to someone. Many told me that as time went on, I would think less and less of cancer, and that fears of its relapse would decrease. This is true. I don’t really fear relapse at all at this point. But the perspective of life after cancer is one for which I am eternally grateful. I don’t know why God spared my life, or what He holds for my tomorrows, but I trust Him for both. Life is Beautiful!!!
